Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Turning New Tricks

Barack Out With My Cock Out has learned a new trick. For those without the time, laptop power or attention span to read each day’s news in its entirety, we present to you an alternative. We have heard ideas from readers and all have echoed the tag line of EZ E’s “Gimme that Nut” and we are going to do just that. Every day we will present you The Nut. The Nut will be a brief summation of all that you need to know. Then reading further will be the background on the issue and an explanation of all of the events that have transpired. Everyone wins! Everyone can quickly learn what’s going on and those that want to know the full story will now be treated to more in-depth analysis of all of the fun. Don’t worry; we’re not going to start charging for the service.

The Nut:

Hillary’s new campaign pitch is for Barack to be her running mate. Barack has laughed this off and pointed out that she isn’t the one in the lead and doesn’t have an ability to make such an offer. McCain is slowly being forgotten as Hillary and Obama refuse to shift from the primary into the general election. As was predicted here on Barack Out With My Cock Out, he is receiving no attention as the media focuses on the conflict between Hillary and Barack. NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer got busted for trying to get a hooker and he’s probably going to resign and the story will be forgotten.

Be My Bitch

Our inside odds-makers blew their predictions on how long the primary campaign would last. All knowledgeable parties looked into the future and said we would have a long boring wait from February 6th until the Convention in August. They can have half credit for the Republicans getting their contest wrapped up within the month of February, but no points on the Democratic side. As Hillary and Barack continue pecking at each other hoping the other bird will fall they are running out of creative new methods to tactfully attack their opposition.

The latest underhanded insult to be spewed during a campaign rally came from former First Lady Hillary Clinton. As the second placed candidate in the Democratic contest rallied up her die-hard supporters she carefully tip-toed around the idea that the man that she has previously assailed for “not being ready to lead on day one” and being “ill-equipped to be President” could actually make a good President should she be unable to serve in the office. The best answer that has been given during the campaign when any candidate has been asked who they would have join them went like this: “I would chose a running mate that I think would make as good of a President as myself, if not better.” Does Hillary not worry about what could happen should she not be able to be Commander in Chief?

No, she doesn’t. As most VP’s have been chosen, Hillary sees Obama’s ability to bring new people into the process that previously have cared less about politics. She has seen her ass get kicked multiple times in many different states by this voting bloc of educated, young voters. She knows she needs to find an easy solution to a problem that is not going to be solved in a manner she likes -- with Barack winning the nomination.

No, Be MY Bitch

It took Obama’s staff a second to stop laughing at the gall of the second place candidate offering the leader of the race the second place job. Obama was quick to remind her of the silver medal that is draped around her neck. Interestingly, Obama did not extend the same invitation to her. Why would he? To be nice? She’s said a lot of not-so-nice things about him in the last year and to insult him by suggesting he yield to her trailing campaign is not only a slap to the face but flat out absurd.

Obama knows she’s dead weight. Go look at like-ability ratings for both of them. Look at the numbers now and look at the numbers one year ago. See how they’ve moved? Hillary had maxed out her popularity and support to begin the election. People either already liked her or hated her and many many moderate swing voters have directly said they’d never vote for her. It is not only Obama that knows that she is the last person to have riding shotgun on a presidential campaign, the DNC and the entire party is wise enough to find another candidate for the job.

Then who?

If not Hillary then who will Obama pick up to join him on the road to the White House (the real road, not CSPAN’s label for their bus)? Look west young man. The Democratic Party has much to gain west of the Mississippi. With a solid message on creating a real renewable energy revolution and a libertarian stance on social issues, states like Colorado, New Mexico, Montana and Nevada come into play. Almost every state but Utah and Arizona is worth considering in the 2008 general election with a western governor shoring up the ticket.

And which western governor would be that perfect match? No, not our own Bill Richardson. Let it go. It would be my first choice too, but we have to let it go. Look around the region and try out a few other long names. Try to pronounce the Governors of Oregon and Montana’s names. Ted Kulongowski of Oregon and Brian Schweitzer of Montana are two of many Democratic Governor’s of western states that could help establish Obama’s “western” credentials. . . whatever the hell those are.

Forget about Edwards, Hillary and every other Democratic presidential candidate. Forget about anyone who doesn’t have a big “D” attached to the end of their name. No Bloombergs, no one outside of the party. Its just not how it works. Any nominations?

Ver’ nice. . . how much?!

Speaking of Democratic Governor’s that won’t be Obama’s running mate, add Eliot Spitzer’s name to that list. While busting a big dollar prostitution ring, the FBI “accidentally” stumbled upon a well-known name in New York politics. Gov. Spitzer is accused of soliciting a prostitute and is expected to resign soon. The feds claim that they didn’t find him just through the wiretappings for the prostitution ring bust. They say the IRS was also curious about his movement of big cash and this also led them to his dark secret.

Implications shouldn’t reach too far. Unlike Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID), Spitzer is owning up to his mistakes and is accepting the consequences. Staff members are rumored to have said that they are going through ‘transitional procedures.’ Spitzer is also a strong supporter of Hillary’s campaign and you can be sure that she won’t continue to roll with such a ‘dirty, dirty boy’ (probably what Craig would say about Spitzer’s actions. He said this about Bill Clinton in the 90’s during Lewinski-gate).

Moral of today: If you’re so horny that you need to call a hooker, keep the bill in the triple, not quadruple figures. Or you could just not cheat on your wife.

Coverage of the 48th most important primary election of the year tomorrow as Mississippi votes today.

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