Friday, September 19, 2008

Baracking it for the ladies

The Nut: Politicians are on parade as shining examples of how to live a smarter, safer, protected life. John McCain’s sexy VP pick, warrants the revisiting of the sexist remarks he has used to court his base supporters. Meanwhile, the Tina Fey-wannabe has involuntary gone on record with a thorough demonstration of her ability to handle, sensitive, secure matters.

Progress doesn’t pile on

It took a weeklong, psilo-landen venture through the hills, but the Sarah Palin bashing urges have been buried in a deep hole under a mountain of LANL waste. It won’t come back because it can’t come back. For those that don’t like the freshman Governor from Alaska or her support of hunting wolves from a helicopter or use of state dollars to pay her mortgage or her recruitment of millions in pork for her town of 6,700 or her threats of banning books or her perversion of an otherwise gorgeous Tina Fey, heed this call: Do not attack her. Do no callously insult her. Do not mock her husband’s snowmobiling, her daughter’s abstinence-only education or her firm belief that god will save her before the floods of the rapture (better known as global warming among the school-educated crowds) come and cleanse the land of all evil. Just like Barack Obama, it only builds her support and re-doubles her disciples’ efforts.


Before we return to the inevitable days of not knowing the names of any Alaskan politician, it does serve purpose to examine how she functions as a political figurehead (i.e.: governor, VP nominee, mayor of podunkistan, dog catcher) should her date to the prom kick the bucket before the final dance.

As soon as Gov. Palin was announced as the member of the GOP that will live on in Jeopardy! answers and political almanacs as the token offering of the GOP in a lame attempt at being progressive, reports emerged of email exchanges concerning an alleged attempt by Palin to get her ex-brother-in-law fired. Barack Out With My Cock Out is fully unconcerned with these allegations because they are still simply that: allegations. But other netizens concerned with electing only the best and the brightest to lead our nation took it upon themselves to expose what FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) requests have not obtained.

We will be brief in summarizing the tale of Palin’s pirated email account, but you can read all of it through that link. It didn’t even take true hacking. A person cobbled together Palin’s personal information and took advantage of the dangerously generic personal questions most email services use to send people forgotten passwords. This isn’t hacking, this is just being wiser than your average beauty queen/small town news reporter.

The person got into her account, looked around for the dirt Extra and Inside Edition dream of and was crushed to only find a few email exchanges between her and other Alaskan officials discussing official business. They tired of it and hoped leaving the log-in information on the web’s biggest forum for hackers and trolls would let the next anti-Palin netizen finish the job they had begun. Unfortunately – for the federal government that could have had their job done for them and for all of the Democrats eager to reap the political benefits of this exposed material – Palin’s e-guardian angel swooped in, emailed her advisor (either an oxymoron of a term or quite the substantial fete as Palin only takes guidance from one man and that man: god) and helped rescue the account before it could be further abused. Good night and sweet dreams!

Nightmares of implications

So what does any of this have to do with the election? Everything because it is a real example of how Gov. Palin has run the state of Alaska and how she conducts herself as a political leader. It’s not a campaign-polished, spun-dry presentation of her as the quintessential American mother. It shows her ability to guard her own privacy and conduct her own office and a substantial lack there-of. While a court of law will take forever to formally convict her of the ethical charges, it is now proven in the court of “I know my ass from a hole in the ground” that she has used a private email account to conduct official state business.

Chime in Palin apologists. “All politicians do that. That’s how they all conduct the real business.” Yep, you’re fully 100% right. But all of the others have the brains of a savvy businessman to know how to cover their own ass and do it without putting it into easily searchable records. We’ve seen the personal email addresses of seasoned, wise politicians . . . they resemble the subject line of a piece of spam with a jumble of letters that if rearranged might spell out one of their names, the year the account was set up and the office they are seeking. Why? Because is too easy to find. It’s a tried and true practice of job seekers, headhunters and savvy PR gurus to guess at what the intended receiver’s email might be and to try random combinations of until one doesn’t bounce back. In addition to her illegal actions of conducting state business through private accounts, she left these accounts vulnerable and accessible to any random 8th grader that knows how to work a google search (note of clarity in her defense: Alaskan students typically do not learn how to use google until they go to college out of state). Do you want the #2 in the land to leave sensitive matters of national security and economic policy open and available to anyone with an internet connection and a proxy server?

Hear it here first: Gmail’s thorough note taking WILL be the downfall of many candidacies in the near future. The first candidacy to fall because of publicized emails that aren’t fit for the public eye is that of McCain because he brought along Palin for the ride.

More important is her man

Let her go. Let’s focus on why she is on the ticket. She’s a vice presidential nominee, as even she’s wondered, the actual job of being VP doesn’t get too interesting until the senate has a tie to break or the President has a heart to defibrillate. The real job of the vice president is done from the day he or she is selected until the general election. Ideally, they will swing their home state to vote for their ticket when they were previously disposed to vote against them (like when John Edwards ran with Kerry and brought North Carolina into the D column . . . almost). The VP is a handout to the base to rally their support. Typically, they do not receive the attention the true leaders of the ticket receive and thus, their exposure is confined to the party-faithful, involved voters that want to vote for their side, but have some personal, petty beef with the Presidential nominee (i.e.: democrats that don’t support Barack because he made Hillary cry to win New Hampshire). She’s not important. She won’t be a major decision maker in our nation’s policy. She is here to pander to the Republican base that heeds their pastor’s guidance in filling out their ballots.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?

Because Janet Reno is her father.

Whoaaaaa. Before you get upset with Barack Out With My Cock Out and its editorial board, please direct your anger to the man that can be credited as the source of this tasteless joke that was first used when Chelsea was only 18.

This joke made its national debut at a 1998 GOP fundraiser in DC. Wooing the audience and their deep pockets was maverick entertainer, John McCain. Set aside McCain’s fervent love of this country and the unending respect he holds for its leaders . . . like Attorney General Janet Reno. This is a clear, undisputed incident of John McCain insulting a defenseless 18-year-old girl just to raise money for a Republican fundraiser. That’s more Maverick than the Dallas Maverick’s then record-setting season of winning only nine games in 1994.

We’ll hear anyone’s defense of McCain and his clever joke. Was it a single occurrence? No. Google “John McCain’s seven sexist rants” and read all about his belittling of women, even the one’s he loves (the Alaskan-educated readers can click here, apologies for the taunting of using google to find something). He once mocked his current wife (not the one that he left when she was no longer the beauty queen he married) for her caked-on make up. He said it better than we can recreate it: “At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a dolled-up trollop, you cunt.” In his defense, he said he had had a long day before he told his new wife the truth about her plastic face.

Is he partisan in his sexist comments? Nope. As shown, he’ll go after his own family. He does like referring to all pro-active women as “Pat Schroeders” – a former congresswoman from Colorado that is remembered for her work on women’s rights.

When Jake Tapper interviewed McCain about his selection of campaign chairmen for the state of Nevada, his perfectly timed, well-judged humor reemerged. He tried out the old line “and I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago,” looking for raucous applause. Unfortunately, the crickets stood at attention as Tapper wondered to himself if McCain was aware of the Gov. of Nevada’s messy divorce and the accusations of infidelity. In Tapper’s words: “awkward.”

Feminism is for women, not woman

So when did feminism stop being about women? Answer: the day a man started using a woman to further his political ambitions. Electing McCain to the Presidency and letting Palin tag along to the white house will do as much for woman’s rights as elevating Al Gonzalez to the office of Attorney General did to eliminate the racial disparity between white Americans and Hispanics (nothing for those curious of the answer).

Don’t kid yourself. Don’t talk about glass ceilings. John McCain is holding up Sarah as a battering ram to blast through the glass ceiling Pres. Bush (W without the H) erected over McCain in South Carolina in 2000. Attention feminists of the world: do you support McCain using a woman to achieve his political dream?

More importantly, are you content to tolerate the GOP’s relegation of women as unable to perform tasks in as productive a manner as their male counter parts; should they continue earning 77 cents for every dollar her brother makes? This is a simple matter of government policy and there are only two choices: One side, Barack Obama, that supports mandating equal pay for equal work and the other side, John McCain, that has stated on record and worked against enacting such a law because it would place an undue burden on business. John McCain does not support equality for women and he stands in the road towards a sincerely enlightened and equal America.

Are you worth 77 cents or a full dollar?

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